I’m doing fundraising for the global health non-profit organization Partners in Health, and I’d really love if you all could check out my page (which is this link). It’d be beyond amazing if you donate, but even if you don’t, please reblog this link. Even donations of $3 or $5 are super duper appreciated. However, my objective is not money, but rather awareness. Thank you all so much<3
It’s been a long time since I posted. For a whole month now, I’ve been trying to figure out what to say for my last piece on this blog. I’ve made maps, lists, I’ve talked it out and thought about it. There’s so much to say, and I don’t know how to link it all together. I grew up in 2011, figured out who I was, and transformed in a lot of ways to the person I want to be. It was also a year of depression, sadness, anxiety, failure, anger, and rejection. I wanted to write this breathtaking post of maturity and growth and originality. Of course that’s a very high standerd, and I’m a perfectionist: I couldn’t get going. But as it’s the last day of the year, and I figured I should just do it. So here goes.
A year ago, my two best friends became my two ex-best friends. As I lost them, I realized I had lost myself too. The next five months could not be described as pretty, but over that time I grew into the person I wanted to be. (And kept growing for the remainder of the year.) Obviously that kind of change required I learn a lot.
Some lessons rang with cliches. For example, I struggled through depression and growth without my best friends. Though the experience couldn’t be deemed “fun,” it did teach me that I don’t need anybody to survive. So I stopped worrying about losing people who didn’t approve of the real me, giving me the opportunity to become myself. However, I also learned that gaining respect from those you respect is important too. You must make your own decisions, but those choices are not isolated. They will effect others, so think of others in every step. Turns out, advice cliches are true: be yourself, and treat others the way you want to be treated.
Some lessons made me stronger. I hated myself for half of 2011, so I spent a good bit of those months under the covers, hiding from the world and my failures. I got behind on a large amount of homework because I skipped so much school. Finally, after about three months, I realized that sitting on my ass crying about what a bad person I was and/or how everybody hated me wasn’t going to fix either of those issues very quickly. So I made a list (a long list) of everybody who I felt I owed an apology to, and wrote them notes. Some electronically, some snail mail, but I made sure I said sorry to everybody on that list. The responses ranged from non-existant to relatively satisfactory, but I figured out that wasn’t the point. I couldn’t control their actions, only my own. All I was capable of was creating an opportunity for myself, and then just go with the flow. In making new friends or new starts, I learned to just put myself out there and go for it.
Some lessons taught me empathy and compassion. For a while I had been the girl everybody thought was so sweet. My friends would tell me about “bitches,” and “sluts,” and “weird ones.” I would smile and laugh and agree sympathetically with their stories and venting. Never once did I consider the point of view of those they gossiped about. Until I became one of the “bitches” and one of the “sluts.” Only then did I start thinking about those I labeled through secondhand opinions, and those I judged without seeing their perspective. But once I learned to look beyond the surface impressions, the previous judgements faded away. For example, a friend’s girlfriend had disliked me when she and my friend dated. I only heard about their relationship from one side, and it seemed she treated him really badly, so it was easy for me to hate her too. However, after realizing I hadn’t heard the whole story, I messaged her and apologized. She accepted, and said sorry as well! We’ve actually become good friends. Seeing others’ perspectives isn’t always easy, as it forces you to see yourself differently. But it sure makes the world a much warmer place.
Some lessons turned me into Jack Sparrow. (“There are things a man can do, and there are things a man can’t do.”) I learned to focus on what you can do, rather than what you can’t. For example, I will never be a singer. Dogs whine and babies cry when I start to sing. It’s just not gonna happen. But I could organize a group of singers to preform at a charity event and raise money for a scholarship to send poor kids to music schools. I used to have horrible time at social events because I ripped apart my self esteem the whole night by comparing myself to other girls and convincing myself the boys would never like me. Finally, I accepted the body and face I had, instead of focusing on the fact I’ll never be Megan Fox, AND that I’m smart, sorta amusing, and fun. When I stopped tearing myself down constantly, I actually had a muuuuch better time.
Those are just four examples of how I grew, but there are so many more. See why I got so tripped up writing this?! I could’ve talked about leaving your comfort zone, or learning to be alone, or self-empowerment, or seeing others clearly, or a hundred other things!
But it all links back to opportunity: give yourself the chance to succeed, the chance to make new friends, the chance to grow. Maybe even the chance to find out who you really are. Because life never goes according to plan. (At least my life doesn’t. If you live in a fairytale, then I apologize- disregard that.) And honestly, what is this so-called “plan” anyway? Nothing happens for a reason, destiny is bullshit. Things happen. If you constantly try and find an explanation, life will paralyze you.
Problems are meant to be solved, and dreams are meant to be achieved: by you, not by a magical force in the universe. 2012 will not bring you what you want, and neither will a new boy, or your parents. You have all the tools and power to succeed, so get up off your ass and do it.
Because here’s the bottom line kids, the main thing 2011 beat into me. Stars don’t grant wishes, 11:11 doesn’t have magical powers, and staring at the phone will not make it ring. But guess who does make dreams come true, guess who can make anything happen, and guess who can get that phone to ring? Hint: Look in a mirror.
I’m doing fundraising for the global health non-profit organization Partners in Health, and I’d really love if you all could check out my page (which is this link). It’d be beyond amazing if you donate, but even if you don’t, please reblog this link. My objective is not money, but rather awareness. Thank you all so much<3
Hello everyone, hope this holiday season is wonderful for all of you! (: I haven’t posted in forever, mostly because of school. However, I have turned seventeen, and the purpose of this blog is complete. I’m currently writing a final post to wrap up the year but it’s still in the works. (Cause I’m an insane perfectionist.) Anywho, in the meantime I started a new blog for the new year! I’m gonna try my best to follow all of you, hopefully it works out that way. If you’d the url directly, message me.
But in the meantime, happy holidays!!
Anonymous said: What's the best present anyone has ever given you?
there’s been many, tangible and intangible. but i think the one that meant most was when my friends got together and bought me uggs in 7th grade.
I love the idea of being in love. I love seeing happy couples, I love dating, and I know someday I’ll find someone whose craziness fits with mine. From what I understand, love is beautiful and gets you all warm and fuzzy. I think teenagers are fully capable of being in love for real, I don’t believe love has limits.
But I also believe in being alone, and I believe in perspective. So often, I get caught up in dating. If a boy doesn’t like me or want to be with me, suddenly it feels like I have no worth. I’m not good enough for him, so I’m not good enough for anything. If I’m not noticed by guys at a football game then I’m hideous and absolutely gonna be forever alone.
And when I start thinking like that, I need someone to come over and just slap me a little, or put an ice cube down my back to wake me up. Because those thoughts are imbecilic and short-sighted. Being attractive has no correlation to intelligence, or kindess, or empathy, even though I’m sure it’s very nice and all that. Girls repeat, over and over: boys suck, boys are stupid, I hate boys.
Yet we continue to let them dictate our worth. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m as much of a fan of dating and kissing and flirting as the next hormone-crazed teenager. But sometimes I think us gals need a reminder that being pretty really doesn’t matter that much, and that beating your personal time in track or getting an awesome score on your chemistry test is of greater value than the airhead hottie over there saying he thinks, “You’re like…a total dime, babe.**”
For a while I dove into boys and parties, forgetting about the world outside high school. It took quite a fall from my high horse to gain a better set of eyes. (Though in my non-metaphorical life outside Tumblr, my eyes have actually been getting worse and worse ironically…) Tswizzle said (or sang I suppose) it best: “When you’re fifteen and your first kiss makes your head spin round; but in your life you’ll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team… Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine.”
Maybe I sound like the crazy old cat lady down the street, but trust me, I’m not: I hate cats, I have dogs.
Dating is fun, falling in love is magical, and cuddling up with someone on a cold fall night to watch Harry Potter is something we all want (or at least I do). But try to drop an ice cube down your own back when you start to measure your inner and outer beauty, your personality, and your strength, by the standerds of anyone else.
**No airhead has ever said this to me, so that quote is entirely speculation. Most airheads float away from me cause I like big words.